52 1/2 things that I hate

[tanarill]

Cold showers. Seriously. On my slowly-to-be-filled-in-maybe-but-not-really List of 52 and 1/2 things that I hate, cold showers are at least in the top 25. It's worse because it was a hot shower until my brother woke up and decided that showering without checking to see in someone else was already using the hot water is a good idea. I love that boy, but I hate him.

Anyway. I tried to write some Jazz/Al fanfic, but when it hit five pages with no sign of stopping, and every sign of becoming geeky beyond belief (who here wants to learn about prions? No, I didn't think so), I stopped and cut the only part that was really worth it. And so, here we have some funny stuff.


Title: And You're Normal?
Disclaimers: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. If it belonged to me, they'd all be gay. Also, the Crack does not belong to me. It belongs to tavalya_ra, who needs to be published. That is all.
Rating: G
Warnings: I don't know, are you afraid of random ghost attacks or vampires?

"Get away from him, ghost!" someone shouted, and the almost-not-there-yet-still-far-too-heavy weight was abruptly removed from his chest.

After taking a few moments to breathe and another few to make sure that he was still in one piece, he looked around to see what was happening.

The-ghost? Ghost-was held fast by a tangle of wires, and almost of their own violation, his eyes followed the wires back to where an odd device was being held by-"Jazz?"

She was focused on the ghost, hands gripping the wire-stick tightly, but she nevertheless managed to grin. "Yes, I know. Listen, there's a thermos in my backpack. Would you mind getting it out for me?"

"A thermos? Isn't this the wrong time for a cup of tea?"

She spared him a withering glace. "Look, despite appearances, this isn't as easy as it might seem. Since I don't have the neutralizer with me, I'd prefer it if we could get this done quickly. Thermos. Now."

"O-okay," he said, and crawled over to where her backpack lay on the grass. He found the thermos easily, and retrieved it. "Now what?"

"Open it and point at the ghost. On the count of three, I'm going to release the ghost and you push the button. Ready?"

"Yes . . . "

"One, two, three, now." She did something that released the many wires, which untangled and retracted into the stick. He pushed the button, and was astonished when light and an odd, high-pitched whine exited the thermos. But it seemed to exert a vacuum on the ghost, so he held it steady and advanced. It as almost anticlimactic when the ghost was pulled in and he shut the lid.

"Thanks," said Jazz, plucking the thermos from his unresisting hands. "That one was pretty hard. I don't suppose you could avoid mentioning this to our classmates?"

He ignored the question. "That one was pretty hard? How much do you do this? And what happened to 'I don't believe in ghosts'?"

Jazz sighed. "I don't believe in ghosts. Why should I? I know for a fact that the damn things exist."

"And you're . . . what? Some kind of vigilante ghost hunter?" He picked up the wire-shooting weapon, and turned it over. "Where do you get this stuff, anyway?"

"My parents," said Jazz, plucking the stick from his hands and putting both object in her backpack. "Professional ghost hunters, would you believe it? But it's actually a viable profession in Amity Park. They insisted I take some weapons and a thermos with me. Much as I hate to admit it, I do use them occasionally."

"I'm practically a vampire, you hunt ghosts and you don't believe in the supernatural?" Allen knew he was raising his voice, but it seemed justified.

"I don't believe in anything that I haven't encountered myself. Ghosts . . . in Amity Park, it's normal. Getting held up for school by a ghost attack is a viable excuse. No one looks at you funny if you claim insurance for a medieval knight taking an entire wall off your house. And most people there own at least one Fenton thermos."

"Why a thermos?" Allen's brain wasn't really connected to his mouth at this point.

"Because people can carry them around without looking too suspicious, and if you're not using them to capture ghosts you can keep soup in them. Listen, are you going to tell everyone about this or not? Because I have homework I need to be doing."

Allen's brain kicked in at this point. "I wont tell, if you go on a date with me."

Jazz looked at him, and then held up her hands in resignation. "Fine. I give up. Why not? My life can't possibly get any weirder."


And of course, it's even funnier because this happens a few months before the start of Crack 1, when Jazz's life gets infinitely weirder. Oh irony, you are as subtle as a two-by-four to the head.

Anyway, thingy. Enjoy :).

Comments

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

Anyway. I tried to write some Jazz/Al fanfic, but when it hit five pages with no sign of stopping, and every sign of becoming geeky beyond belief (who here wants to learn about prions? No, I didn't think so), I stopped and cut the only part that was really worth it. And so, here we have some funny stuff.

Anyway I can con you into posting or at least showing me those five pages?

If it belonged to me, they'd all be gay.

They are all gay. Hartman is in denial.

It belongs to tavalya_ra, who needs to be published.

Aw. ::blush:: <3

Rating: G

A stunning thing for a Crack fic. ;D

Since I don't have the neutralizer with me

Is she referring to one of the show's inventions or is this one you created? I confess to not being as knowledgeable about Fenton gear as I should.

Jazz sighed. "I don't believe in ghosts. Why should I? I know for a fact that the damn things exist."

Hehehe. She means it literally and I love it!

"I'm practically a vampire, you hunt ghosts and you don't believe in the supernatural?" Allen knew he was raising his voice, but it seemed justified.

::snerk::

No one looks at you funny if you claim insurance for a medieval knight taking an entire wall off your house.

But good luck finding an insurance policy!

And most people there own at least one Fenton thermos.

I never considered that, but I wouldn't be surprised!

Jazz looked at him, and then held up her hands in resignation. "Fine. I give up. Why not? My life can't possibly get any weirder."

Oh, this line works nicely with the little outburst she'll have in Chapter Twelve. :D

And of course, it's even funnier because this happens a few months before the start of Crack 1, when Jazz's life gets infinitely weirder. Oh irony, you are as subtle as a two-by-four to the head.

I think you mean Crack 2.

I really like this! As much as I love Jazz, I confess I don't really give her this sort of attention in the story and I think you captured her voice very well. And it is funny. Now, if I can get those other five pages out of you...

::glomp::

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

Anyway I can con you into posting or at least showing me those five pages?

Yes. Yes you can. It will, however, require some explanation. The explanation boils down to "the biochemist thinks way to much about this sort of thing." There are not one, but two incredibly geeky scientific explanations: one for vampires, and one for werewolves. And I wrote in a lot of backstory for Allen. Because it needed to be there for the story to work. I will post at some point in the tomorrow.

They are all gay. Hartman is in denial.

Too true. [nods wisely] That man needs more pr0n in his life.

Aw. ::blush:: <3

You do. And then when you are I will run out and buy the book and cuddle it in a creepy and possessive manner.

Is she referring to one of the show's inventions or is this one you created? I confess to not being as knowledgeable about Fenton gear as I should.

She is referring to the ectoplasmic neutralizer. I'm not sure if it's from the show or the RP. It's just a weapon. I have (yet another) I-think-too-much explanation for how it works, but meh.

::snerk::

See, by this point in the story, Jazz knows that he's got vampire-prions in his blood and he's shown her the virus that causes people to become werewolves, so she can't very well deny them either. But the people on his side of things, which are a lot like the GiW but with vampires and werewolves and a few other beasties, don't have any solid evidence supporting ghosts, although they have a big library and they always hope . . . He believes, but she knows. She just wishes she didn't.

I never considered that, but I wouldn't be surprised!

I figured that the Fentons have to be getting their money from somewhere. In my head, Amity Park was always a hotbed of ghost activity; that's why the Fentons moved there in the first place. The Fentons are ghost hunters, which are necessary, but not someone that anyone wants to live next to. So when they developed a do-it-yourself ghost capturing device, they were set. And since the version they sell are one-shots (like mace!) they can keep selling them, even when the "ghost" was just a mouse in a house where someone has a happy trigger finger.

Oh, this line works nicely with the little outburst she'll have in Chapter Twelve. :D

Seeing as I don't know what happens in Chapter 12, because someone won't give me my Crack, I'll just bow and say I'm that good.

I think you mean Crack 2.

Timing, love, timing. Jazz is two years older than Danny, which makes her twenty-six at the start of Crack 2. Assuming that she went into college straight after high school, and she was in a standard seven-year doctorate program, that means she graduated at twenty-five, right around Crack 1. Although, if she's double majored in biochemistry (something I know about, and also something that a psychologist could conceivably use to develop new happy pills) and is going for a masters or doctorate in the Biochem, she could still be in school during Crack 2. (It would also provide her common ground with my version of Allen, because he's a biochemist and works with vampire-prions.)[Ponders] . . . I think it's up to you to make the call on that one.

And I am happy that you like it. I'll post the five pages raw, but it gets really OOC, (which is odd since Allen is an OC) and needs major revision before it makes much sense. Plus a lot of conversation to introduce concepts like prions to people who don't understand it already. Plus being finished, with an actual ending.

Why yes, I am a nerd. Why do you ask?

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes you can. It will, however, require some explanation. The explanation boils down to "the biochemist thinks way to much about this sort of thing." There are not one, but two incredibly geeky scientific explanations: one for vampires, and one for werewolves. And I wrote in a lot of backstory for Allen. Because it needed to be there for the story to work. I will post at some point in the tomorrow.

Hey, I think that's pretty cool. I look forward to reading it!

That man needs more pr0n in his life.

...I think he's secretly one of the lurkers who watches the Crack circle. (You know it.)

You do. And then when you are I will run out and buy the book and cuddle it in a creepy and possessive manner.

My orig fic is very different from my fanfic. For one thing, less sex, less babies, and more straight people. (Not that it doesn't have lesbians of DHOOM, mind you.)

She is referring to the ectoplasmic neutralizer. I'm not sure if it's from the show or the RP. It's just a weapon. I have (yet another) I-think-too-much explanation for how it works, but meh.

I think RP, but which RP?

Question... how did you envision Allen becoming a human-vampire hybrid? I have the Crack-canon explanation, but it never gets mentioned in the series. (Al is a rather minor character. Pretty much all he does is be sweet to Jazz in a few scenes and piss off Dan.)

In my head, Amity Park was always a hotbed of ghost activity; that's why the Fentons moved there in the first place.

I always thought the Fentons caused the problem by creating the ghost portal, creating a bridge between the worlds. (However, we do know that Vlad was sending ghost to test Jack as early as episode one, since he admits to sending the ectopussies- who named those things?!)

Seeing as I don't know what happens in Chapter 12, because someone won't give me my Crack

::whistles:: Hmm?

Timing, love, timing. Jazz is two years older than Danny, which makes her twenty-six at the start of Crack 2. Assuming that she went into college straight after high school, and she was in a standard seven-year doctorate program, that means she graduated at twenty-five, right around Crack 1. Although, if she's double majored in biochemistry (something I know about, and also something that a psychologist could conceivably use to develop new happy pills) and is going for a masters or doctorate in the Biochem, she could still be in school during Crack 2. (It would also provide her common ground with my version of Allen, because he's a biochemist and works with vampire-prions.)[Ponders] . . . I think it's up to you to make the call on that one.

Hmm... she's supposed to be finishing up school in Crack 2, although you may have caught me in an error there; I thought she wouldn't be finished yet. She states in Chapter One that she's only been dating Al for a few months. Whether she's known him longer is debatable; I didn't weigh in on this because I didn't want to influence your fic with ideas I've never really "set" into the Crack-canon by writing them. (I'm still staying mum on what I was using as Al's rather rough backstory, but I'll spill if you want me to.)

I'll post the five pages raw, but it gets really OOC, (which is odd since Allen is an OC)

It's possible for an OC to be OOC. The DP characters are OCs to Hartman and I can OOC-ness on "Secret Weapons." And many times I've revised orig fic because I've realized, "No, he really wouldn't do that, actually."

I'm really curious now- I know you have very little material for Allen, so you've pretty much created him from scratch. As I said, he does make appearances in later installments, but he doesn't play a major role.

[(Anonymous)]

...I think he's secretly one of the lurkers who watches the Crack circle. (You know it.)

Yes, I do. The security cameras, for one.

My orig fic is very different from my fanfic. For one thing, less sex, less babies, and more straight people. (Not that it doesn't have lesbians of DHOOM, mind you.)

The sex is nice, but the real reason your writing shines is the emotion. I can't decide whether to curl up in a corner and cuddle or hit the character over the head with a sledgehammer.

I think RP, but which RP?

Amity Slash; it's the only DP RP I read. Speaking of which, what's the LJ tag for communities?

Question... how did you envision Allen becoming a human-vampire hybrid? I have the Crack-canon explanation, but it never gets mentioned in the series.

Hoo boy. All right. Meet Piotr. Piotr is a vampire. He does not want to be one, but he really had very little choice about it. He's done a lot of things he's not proud of, due to his being very fucked-in-the-head. Then one day he snapped, and started sending Allen's family (the extended, beastie hunting one) inside info that got a lot of vampires killed, although he was very careful to never be there during the raids. Eventually, he slipped up and was going to be killed but for the fact that he managed to convince Allen's family that he was their mole. They locked him up for a few decades instead, while they figured out what to do with him.

Skip forward to twenty years ago. Piotr, due to better medicine, can now get blood-bank type blood needs less of it. He's working with Allen's parents on developing a cure altogether. Allen is four, and his sister Lupae is one. Everything is fine until a live vampire is brought in; this isn't easy, but it happens occasionally. It's just never happened around Piotr before, or they'd have been expecting him to go batshit crazy a few weeks into the experiments and abduct the two kiddies. No one's quite sure what he was trying to prove, but what he did was inject them with some of his own blood.

This introduced the vampire-prions into both children's blood, but since he hadn't drained them and they hadn't actually died, they didn't become vampires. They just got a lot of non-standard abilities and their metabolisms got skewed. If either of them dies, they will become vampires. At that point Allen, who was more than a little bit upset, attacked Piotr and on sheer shock value, knocked Piotr out. Then he called home. When the cavalry arrived, they pumped Piotr so full of lead that even he wasn't able to get up.

Allen and Lupae have known forever that they aren't quite human, but their family has been very supportive of them anyway. Allen hopes to find a way to reverse the effects of it, but Lupae seems to be pretty happy with her powers. Lupae's children will be half-vampires, but Allen's won't; it's transferred by blood only, not genetics.

I always thought the Fentons caused the problem by creating the ghost portal, creating a bridge between the worlds.

Then how do ghosts get into our world to start, or get from here to the ghost zone? My theory is that there are natural portals, and Amity Park was sitting on one. When the Fentons built their portal, it sort of ate the natural one. It is now the only ghost portal there, but ghosts aren't as stupid as you might think, and they have all the time in world to get around it . . .

the ectopussies- who named those things?!/i>

Hartman. Do you think he likes Egypt?

I'm still staying mum on what I was using as Al's rather rough backstory, but I'll spill if you want me to.

Nah. I think I'll steal this OC and run with him.

And many times I've revised orig fic because I've realized, "No, he really wouldn't do that, actually."

Exactly how I feel. It needs reviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiision.

I'll post once I deal with the quotes, but that'll take some time. Is there a reason that LJ glitches with Times New Roman quotes, and is there a font that makes it possible to just cut/paste from a word document?

And I might have lied about posting it with explanations. I will post them, but they'll keep me occupied for a few days at least.

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

Gah, that was me. LJ did an inactivity logout on me ;).

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

I realized that. :)

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. The security cameras, for one.

Actually, it's more the fact that when "Kindred Spirits" aired, I had almost completed the first draft of Crack 1. I thought KS would make the Crack AU. Instead, I revised the first ten chapters and didn't have to touch the rest expect in a few little places. Also, the plot of Crack 5, which echoes strongly "Masters of All Time," was created before that episode aired as well.

The sex is nice, but the real reason your writing shines is the emotion. I can't decide whether to curl up in a corner and cuddle or hit the character over the head with a sledgehammer.

What sex? XD

Thanks.

Amity Slash; it's the only DP RP I read. Speaking of which, what's the LJ tag for communities?

I think AS is a gateway drug for the Crack. Many addicts came down that route.

Sneaky trick: yes, there is a different tag for communities, but if you use the normal user tag, LJ will transform it into the comm tag in the process of posting.

his sister Lupae

That's subtle.

Lupae's children will be half-vampires, but Allen's won't; it's transferred by blood only, not genetics.

Mmm... if I ever write about Violet, I'm afraid it's going to send your stories shooting straight off into AU land.

Nah. I think I'll steal this OC and run with him.

Heh. Okay, you may be able to run pretty far before "canon" kills it- if at all. The Crack probably won't. The Crack Beyond the Crack? Hard to say. I haven't written any CBtC about Jazz and Al and I don't forsee doing so. You may fill in blanks I never tackle.

Or I may just say, screw it... you've spent more time with Allen than I have, so as long as it doesn't mess with anything I've written so far (not just bounced against the wall in my head), why not let you have the official line?

I'll post once I deal with the quotes, but that'll take some time. Is there a reason that LJ glitches with Times New Roman quotes, and is there a font that makes it possible to just cut/paste from a word document?

Um... I copy and paste from MS Word into LJ all the time. The quotes come out differently (“” as opposed to ""), but it never glitches. Ditto with elipses.

And I might have lied about posting it with explanations. I will post them, but they'll keep me occupied for a few days at least.

Take your time.