This is a Real Post
Aug. 4th, 2007 11:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tanarillToday was a Saturday. I did nothing worth talking about. Moving right along.
...I'm sure there's a bad joke here somewhere, but I can't find it. I mean, worse than the analogies I'm about to make.
Carbon is a lovely atom. It does lots of things, including form pretty rocks that can cut through just about anything and scientists now believe that they could make cables out of it long enough and strong enough to tether to ships in geosynchronous orbit. It’s such a very interesting atom because of how it bonds, which is: covalently, to four things at once.
This may seem a bit silly. Is that it? you may well ask. No, that’s not it, but it’s what we are talking about.
I’ll back up and start with bonding. There are six broad types of bonding, but I’m only talking about two, ionic and covalent. Also, about hos and pimps.
In ionic bonding, one pimp, say chlorine (Cl), wanders over to another pimp, say sodium (Na), and steals an electron. (All electrons are skanks.) He can do this because he’s has a higher electronegativity, which basically means hos are more attracted to him. Cl-pimp now has a negative charge, possibly because he has too many high-maintenance bitches, and Na-pimp is positively charged because he has one less PMSing electron. They’re suddenly attracted to each other. Surrounded by their hos, the two decide to hang out with each other and go have an orgy. That’s NaCl, table salt. And yes, to be visible to the naked eye, a salt crystal has to be a huge orgy.
The thing is, this can only happen when the electrons are attracted a lot more to one atom than another. If they’re not, Ho A will make friends with Ho B from Atom B’s crib, and get an introduction to Atom B. Meanwhile, Ho B will meet Atom A, and like him. Both hos will be attracted to both pimps, and sort of waver between the two, playing both and keeping those man-bitches in one spot. That’s a covalent bond. The pimps are being forced to share the electron bitches*.
Each atom wants a specific number of electrons. Carbon pimps (C) want to have eight, and they start off with four***. The thing is, they count an electron ho as theirs even if they are sharing her. This is why carbon makes four bonds: it’s almost always sharing all eight bitches with another atom. This unique property allows carbon to make huge molecules by bonding to lots of other things, including other carbons. In this case, we’re looking at how two atoms, carbon and hydrogen, bond to make . . .
*Yes, I am aware I left most of the theory out. This is a model. My chemistry teacher used the analogy of shaking hands**.
**Because to shake hands you need two hands to shake. Although if you have more that two bonds you're looking at some sort of weird octopus handshake . . . mmm, tentacles . . .
***This is a lie. They want ten and start out with six. Two of the hos don't count, because they are loyal bitches and stick close to their pimp. We're only looking at the four who wander.
Questions always appreciated.
Also, I started writing some porn (maybe) and it's not working. Give me links to good porn, please. Thank you.
...I'm sure there's a bad joke here somewhere, but I can't find it. I mean, worse than the analogies I'm about to make.
Carbon is a lovely atom. It does lots of things, including form pretty rocks that can cut through just about anything and scientists now believe that they could make cables out of it long enough and strong enough to tether to ships in geosynchronous orbit. It’s such a very interesting atom because of how it bonds, which is: covalently, to four things at once.
This may seem a bit silly. Is that it? you may well ask. No, that’s not it, but it’s what we are talking about.
I’ll back up and start with bonding. There are six broad types of bonding, but I’m only talking about two, ionic and covalent. Also, about hos and pimps.
In ionic bonding, one pimp, say chlorine (Cl), wanders over to another pimp, say sodium (Na), and steals an electron. (All electrons are skanks.) He can do this because he’s has a higher electronegativity, which basically means hos are more attracted to him. Cl-pimp now has a negative charge, possibly because he has too many high-maintenance bitches, and Na-pimp is positively charged because he has one less PMSing electron. They’re suddenly attracted to each other. Surrounded by their hos, the two decide to hang out with each other and go have an orgy. That’s NaCl, table salt. And yes, to be visible to the naked eye, a salt crystal has to be a huge orgy.
The thing is, this can only happen when the electrons are attracted a lot more to one atom than another. If they’re not, Ho A will make friends with Ho B from Atom B’s crib, and get an introduction to Atom B. Meanwhile, Ho B will meet Atom A, and like him. Both hos will be attracted to both pimps, and sort of waver between the two, playing both and keeping those man-bitches in one spot. That’s a covalent bond. The pimps are being forced to share the electron bitches*.
Each atom wants a specific number of electrons. Carbon pimps (C) want to have eight, and they start off with four***. The thing is, they count an electron ho as theirs even if they are sharing her. This is why carbon makes four bonds: it’s almost always sharing all eight bitches with another atom. This unique property allows carbon to make huge molecules by bonding to lots of other things, including other carbons. In this case, we’re looking at how two atoms, carbon and hydrogen, bond to make . . .
*Yes, I am aware I left most of the theory out. This is a model. My chemistry teacher used the analogy of shaking hands**.
**Because to shake hands you need two hands to shake. Although if you have more that two bonds you're looking at some sort of weird octopus handshake . . . mmm, tentacles . . .
***This is a lie. They want ten and start out with six. Two of the hos don't count, because they are loyal bitches and stick close to their pimp. We're only looking at the four who wander.
Questions always appreciated.
Also, I started writing some porn (maybe) and it's not working. Give me links to good porn, please. Thank you.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-05 04:10 am (UTC)Heeeeeeeee~
no subject
Date: 2007-08-05 04:29 am (UTC)This is a paper for school, right? A serious paper? Yeah, you might want to change the analogy to something less whorish then.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-05 04:35 am (UTC)This is how I explain bonding to the other co-op (James, who just left) and the intern (Jason, who leaves in a week). And other classmates etc. They get it, which I count as a victory given getting them to understand anything is PAINFUL AMOUNTS OF DIFFICULT STUPID. C'mon guys, I get torques (I got a perfect score on every test in that class), why can't you get something as simple as bonding?