It Is Purim

If you aren't Jewish, I'll forgive you not knowing what this is, but go look up who Queen Esther was and what she did for the Jews. (Answer: had mindblowing sex. With a King.) This, like many other other Jewish holidays, can be summed up in ten seconds as, "They tried to kill us, they failed, let's eat. And then get drunk."

You are supposed to be so drunk you can't tell the difference between the names Haman and Mordechai, which is freakin' drunk. I say it's because the religion was put together by a bunch of vintners. Also, if you like Hamentashen, hit the bakeries now, they should be In.

( For my Internet Girlfriend )

And you my now sit down and poke holes through this, which I will then duct tape shut with bullshit. Bullshit and duct tape hold the universe together!