RAGE

[tanarill]

I have, for once, a vacation between work and school term. NO ONE seems to understand that 'vacation' means THIS IS MY TIME FOR ME and everyone else should just FUCK THE HELL OFF.

Not my doctors. While I understand that they are actually trying to help, I am trying to ignore this crappy thing to the very best of my ability and YOUR INCESSANT CALLING IS NOT HELPING.

Not MW. She had decided, fifteen years late, that she's going to be as caring and attentive as I wanted her to be when JJ was allergic to everything and I had to become an A student to catch her attention. Not that I'm bitter or anything. After all, it's not like growing up with only myself to amuse myself left me with a deep and abiding love of solitude and quiet, or anything. And she keeps wanting to talk to me. MW, I am not interested in talking. If you want to help, field the annoying doctor-calls.

(And you insistence that I give up the one fully free day I had this week so that my brain chemist will give me more happy pills does not help. This is my fucking incensed face: >:o )

Not the rest of my family, either. Because, no, I don't particularly find it fun to have you ask every damn day whether or not I'm having diarrhea. I waited a month to talk to my doctor in the first place because I feel that's something deep into 'none of your fucking business' territory, and I don't care that you're my family, that's where it stays. QUIT. ASKING.

In fact, the only one who seems to get it is JJ, who is giving me extra hugs but is otherwise treating me no differently. Because I'm not a damn invalid. I'm just in a bit of extreme pain for a few minutes a day.

Oh, and one last thing: the symptoms are exacerbated by my eating of certain foods, like lactose and fiber, because if I don't digest it my gut bacteria will - and, of course, produce lots of gassy byproducts. And, yes, that will hurt. But it's just pain; it doesn't make the underlying cause any worse. The doctor even said this.

I can deal with pain. I've been dealing with pain for months. But I solidly refuse to go without certain foods, like salad and raw fruits and, yes, ice cream. Even if it means a little pain later on. tanarill will not go without her food.


Huff, huff . . .